America's #1 Balance Bike Destination

America's #1 Balance Bike Destination
America's #1 Balance Bike Destination

Monday, June 06, 2011

Race Report Code of Ethics

As many times as I've been the offender.. I do try very hard to refrain from boring you to fucking tears. Nothing makes me want to stab myself in both eyes using freshly sharpened No 2 pencils quite as much as an endless stream of run-on one sentence paragraphs which explain in needless detail how poorly the narrator performed in spite of the previous two weeks of sloppy and deficient attempts at structured training that were hopefully going to result in some accidental success.

Forthwith, I am enacting a Code of Ethics which establishes proper race report etiquette.
1. If it wasn't a Win, write 1/2 as much as you would if it was a Win.
2. If it wasn't a top 10, write 1/4 as much.
3. If it doesn't include 3 or more laps solo off the front and/or the heroic winning of 2 or more primes, write 1/8 as much.
4. If you got your ass dropped and/or lapped, but you persisted and finished anyway, write 1/10 as much*
* If No 4 is the result of crashing horribly and suffering painful lacerations, contusions, sprains, strains, or breaks, skip to No 5.. Otherwise, stick with No 4.
5. If you crashed, got up, straightened your bars, collected your bottles, re-installed your dropped chain, continued racing, and finished the race, see No 2.

No comments: