Thursday, May 29, 2008
A new day
He's hanging in there. I told him repeatedly that my brother will be here today. His breathing is getting labored. He hasn't taken any food or drink in the last 40 hours because every drop of food causes a gag reflex and a fit of coughing on phlegm that has nested in his throat. He used to be able to clear it and spit but not anymore. The IV doesn't work either- it goes for ten minutes and then backs up and blood is everywhere. His veins are all shot from the chemo treatments.
We're just "getting ready" for the inevitable at this point. I'm emotionally drained. Last night I sat with him and told him I love him very much, that I always have.. That he's my champion and hero and not to be afraid..
Damn.
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Wednesday, May 28, 2008
45 minute spin
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Hondas in disguise
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Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Day 4: climber's heaven
Father seems to have taken a step backwards today.. All the forward momentum of yesterday erased. The initial shock of when I first saw his emaciation has passed.. But I can't help but feel a certain disconnect from my emotions. It's like a circuit breaker has tripped- it did it's job of protecting me from overload and complete failure. Tears no longer well up when I look down at his broken body. Guilt about my easy-going nature, my 3 hour bike rides.. Guilt rears it's head and pokes me in the ribs occasionally. Must be a form of adaptation. In order for me to be strong enough to feed him by spoon and to keep him clean and to help him clear phlegm and wipe his mouth, certain systems require disabling.
Thursday my brother arrives and maybe then I'll hit the reset button.. Though I must admit that it's easier this way.. And that I am very afraid.
I'm not a religious person.. In spite of my family's best efforts to indoctrinate me.. I'm agnostic. Believe it when I see it. There's maybe probably a G-d.. If so, he's not a participant or an influence on our lives.. For this reason, prayer is futile. Buy powerball tickets man, because that has a greater chance of enhancing your life. G-d can't help you.. And if he did, it would be pretty unfair to all of those who are sick and dying or killed senselessly every second of every day.. Who helped them? Were they overlooked for not praying? Or for not praying to the correct G-d? To me' G-d's more like an apathetic observer.. Powerless or at least unable to show it. I am infuriated by the words "Thank God!" Or "It's G-d's will". For fuck's sake stop giving credit to G-d for your hard work AND THEN giving him praise for tragic events! Stop it. If you triumph, give yourself the credit. If you have cancer, it wasn't "G-d's fucking will" either. Sorry if I offend. I do not mean to indoctrinate and I do not disrespect those with faith- my father is deeply religious. He was anyway- but maybe that's changed..
I don't believe in hell.. Which brings me to the whole point of this rant: I find the concept of Heaven very hard to believe as well.. But in these last few days, for the sake of my father, I'm at least hoping for it with all my heart. Thanks for reading.
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Day three
Father seemed to improve marginally yesterday.. But he looks a little more tired this morning. Pulse is down to 96 today from 120.. I don't know if it's a good sign. He can't speak. He can't stand or walk without two people assisting him.. He's too weak to eat or bathe or do anything really. We need a full time nurse because Im here for only so long and his wife is exhausted both mentally and physically. There is no such thing as a "hospice" in Turkey, or so I'm told. Got cancer? You're on your own.
Yesterday while out on the roads I suddenly became very aware of a few observations:
1. Everyone.. smokes.. cigarettes.
2. Men walking hunched over, hands often behind their backs, with big beer bellies and narrow downward sloping shoulders outnumber all other 'types' on the street. Occasionally you'll spy one who's in between cigarattes, but it's rare.
3. Young misguided teenage boys with absolutely AWFUL looking 'mohawk-ish" haircuts.. Are everywhere and should be beaten to in inch of their life or until they agree to shave that travesty of hair clean off their heads. 4. Young girls with their heads covered with scarves.. Not only do they appear freakishly top heavy and androgenous.. They also seem to outnumber the other girls by a factor of 3:2. Do I have to go to the south coast in order to see some eye candy??
5. The coolest cars are in Turkey: Seat, Renault, Citroen, Peugeot, Fiat, Skoda, Alfa Romeo.. These companies do not sell in the US.. But if they did, their sporty looking compact models would be very popular.. The compact class is very limited in the US, but not for long I think.
6. Turkish people love to gawk, laugh, point and sometimes shout at handsome and muscular bike racers who are wearing great looking team uniforms and going very fast.
:)
Thanks for reading.
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Sunday, May 25, 2008
Mudanya-Bursa
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Apologies..
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Sunday morning
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Saturday, May 24, 2008
Nothing left to do
I do not recognize my father's appearance.. And in his incoherence I have doubts about whether he recognizes me. The shock and awe of seeing his wife carry him to the bathroom heimlich style.. Paled in comparison to the moment they emerged from the bathroom.. And father's legs gave out... The same legs that raced bikes 45 years ago.. And I lifted his weak and crumpled body from the floor the way that a father carries his slumbering 5 year old child and I carried him to his bed, for a moment astonished at my burst of strength.. until I realized how much he's wasted away.
This has been the most difficult hour of my life.
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Greetings from Frankfurt
Three hour layover until our flight to Istanbul starts boarding. Gotta love Lufthansa!! They took the bike case without asking for an extra dime.. Of course it might be because we are entitled to 6 suitcases and only had 4.. The bike case was the lightest piece too.. Maybe they'll nail me on the return leg.. We're docked at a table and chairs in front of a panoramic view of the airfield. It's pretty awesome. The Airbus ride here was six hours, and that plane was huge.. You take a flight of stairs down to the toilets. Private Lcds in front of every seat.. You choose your own movie, cartoon or sitcom. I was seated next to a 350 pound mouth-breather who cursed at my son in German when he accidentally kicked the guy.. I didn't take offense. Germans usually do not seem to be crazy about kids (Sorry Ralf- they're generally just plain cold towards their own kids and especially towards the kids of others) Me, I don't think twice about talking with or winking/smiling at little kids. I'd pick them up and kiss them if I knew I wouldn't be assaulted by their parents.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Women's Lib Arrived on Bicycles
Bifurcated garments called bloomers were scandalous
Escorts needed to protect women from becoming morally debased by their bikes
1900 U.S. Census Report said bicycles caused "revolution in social conditions"
Monday, May 19, 2008
"What Have I Done?"
Now that I look at this list of races which I have just pre-registered for, I'm wondering if I should maybe skip a race here and there in favor of fresher legs elsewhere. I guess I'll exercise those options when the time comes- it's only money.. What worries me the most if the weather. Pre-registering seems to always guarantee rain! Nutmeg sucked last year for this very reason. The above check-out totaled just a little over $400. Ouch! In case anyone wonders, my entry fees are not paid by the Millwork One team budget. I cover them myself and take them as a tax write-off since our little WeeBIKE company is a co-title sponsor of the team.
Seventeen races in the span of four weekends (July 6th being Masters Nationals Criterium in Kentucky- I'm going!)
So much can go wrong between now and the New Britain Criterium on July 13th.. If I complete all of these races with no crashes, no dnfs and no flat tires, it will be a triumph indeed. I think that this approach proves beyond all doubt that I love to race.. I just love being a part of this. That's what it's all about, eh? As impressed as you are with my bad-ass doing three crits a day, I swear I did not do this to impress you or to prove anything.. All of these races have been on my radar since the end of last season. Now.. Let's see if all of this excessive training and "TSS" and "FTP" amounts to anything. I'm faster and stronger today than I was at my peak last year.. assuming that the numbers don't lie. I trust the numbers and they give me confidence which I would not otherwise have. Wish me luck.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
"I am so broke"..
Leaving for a two week trip to Turkey on Friday means a few things: 1. All my bills must be paid before I leave and during my absence. I have a 1" thick stack of envelopes I'm mailing tomorrow. 2. Plane tickets for the three of us are mucho dinero.. let's just say you can buy a very fine road bike with the plane ticket dough.. 3. I will be working 16 hour days all week to make sure that none of my projects suffer a meltdown while I'm gone. Stress is off the charts this week, needless to say. I'm glad it's a "rest week".. Gotta rest up for my vacation. Which in reality, is more of a visit to my father than anything else. His cancer is progressing, he's just managing pain right now and we need to see him soon if you know what I mean. I don't know what's going to feel better or worse, this work week from hell leading up to the trip, or the sadness and emotion of the actual trip itself. I return on June 9th as wife and son stay behind to be close to my father and keep me informed of his condition. Murat will be all alone for five weeks, meaning that he can ride and race as much as he cares to every day and every weekend. Not a bad thing. Today I was up at Wells and had a great time. Our man Adam Sternfield made it into the 8 man break which rolled off after the 1/2 way prime (same as last week!) and finished a solid 6th place. Dear wife actually filmed the finishing sprint and we see that the field was bearing down on these guys pretty hard- they were not that far up the road. (I will try to post it to Google later on) I think I was 10th in the field sprint. Whatever- I was really just having fun today bridging across 10 second gaps and doing a good job of accelerating when it was required.. Legs were not fresh at all but I had no difficulties with todays 26.7 mph pace. Funny- today's race watts averaged lower than yesterday's 3 hours of tempo watts. But of course today's Normalized Power was up there at 277, right at my functional threshold.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
"I am so fast"..
Back to my original purpose: I rock.
I've been doing this 56 mile loop of rolling hills almost every weekend.. and seeing my elapsed time getting faster and faster. Today marked the latest episode of this [as yet un-named] epic saga. There's more to this evolution than meets the eye. It's not the 20mph average speed of my three hours overall in the saddle or the 2:49:25 time for the 56.6 miles which turns my crank- it's the fact that in all of 2007, I never did a 3 hour ride of more than 188 average watts- and that peak ride was in mid-July when I was going good, not in mid May on the penultimate day of a very highly stressful build period. Today's three hour ride averaged 220 watts. This data, by itself, is meaningless.. but within the context of my own evolution last season and this spring, it speaks for itself and says a lot! I realize that this is partly a case of "putting my mind to it".. after all- who cares [besides me] about the power, speed and duration of a three hour tempo ride? ... Cut me some slack.. I have issues.. and I'm sorely in need of a victory.. even if it's only me who I'm racing against. I defeated my previous PB by another 5 minutes. Hurray for me. Thanks for reading.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Sterling Race Report and Bonus: Wells Ave Report
Here's his story from the Pro-1-2 field at the Sterling RR (Full Results are here) :
Thought I'd write a brief race report on Sterling- though for the record I don't necessarily consider what I did "racing". Explanation: due to weather and car rental concerns I had to do the P/1/2 race, and I wasn't sure I had the endurance for 10 times up that hill (80 miles). As such, my mindset was one of training/survival, and the only placing I was concerned with was making sure I placed some water in my ice cube trays so I'd be able to chill my Scotch when I got home. Generally not the attitude I like to bring to a race but I had to be realistic in my ambitions and on the other hand, for training purposes, you really can't beat being bludgeoned for 3 hours by the likes of Mark McCormack. Certainly better for my fitness level than spending the entire day home with a bottle of Scotch...
On to the race itself. The pace of the first 5 laps was so infernal that one rider's post-race comment sums it up nicely: "When we came up the hill and I saw the lap cards say there were still 5 to go, I prayed for a sniper's bullet to take me out and end my suffering". OK, so the rider that made that comment was me, but I'm sure there were others who felt the same. In fact, it was right at about that halfway point that the merely tired started to seperate themselves from the truly spent. Dribs and drabs of 3 to 4 riders rolled off the front and by lap 7 there were 16 guys (including Mark, of course) up the road. That pretty much exhausts my first hand knowledge of the race for the podium. I was told that on one of the later trips up the hill, Mark detonated the group, attacking and taking 2 guys with him, whom he dusted easily in the sprint. We back in the field were content to roll steadily to our goal with a minimum of fratricide. In the end, it turned out I did have the legs to withstand the bludgeoning and was even able to unleash my World-Famous "Eephus" sprint up the hill, carrying me to 13th place in our 17-man drag race. Another surprise, because normally I'm a lock to finish dead last in any sprint.....
and here's the Wells Ave recap:
I think we did fairly well at Wells. Kyle, Matt, and I lined up with 40-50 of our close friends. After the halfway prime I was able to roll away with Marvin Wang and we were soon joined by 5 more. Sam Morse bridged up with a teammate and when the dust settled we had roughly 10 guys and were gone. Kyle and Matt patrolled/thwarted at the front of the field. I worked as much and as hard as possible (training, after all) with little regard for the final. As I mentioned, I am by no means a sprinter :-) EXCEPT if it's a looooong, momentum-driven, tailwind-assisted sprint- which just happened to be the case. I actually led it out from just past the final corner and though an IF guy and a CCB guy came past me pretty convincingly, I thought I was gonna hold on for 3rd. Unfortunately Marvin and Sam's teammate just snuck by me at the line. We were all within a half-wheel of each other, but I believe I was 5th. So, not too bad....
Thanks Adam! A solid weekend for you.
More Hill Repeats
10:00 WU
30:00 endurance
3:00 hill repeats (Vomax for 2.5 min with AC for last 30 sec)
8:00 RI
repeat until you cannot match within 10% of 3rd interval
In case it interests you (and it probably doesn't but that's fine and dandy), I use a hill on route 12 in Scituate. It's exactly one mile long and the first 1/2 mile is 7% grade before it eases to about 3-4% at the top. You do not absolutely need a power meter to do this workout, because you are basically going as hard as you can without popping for the first 2-1/2 minutes, then you're going full throttle for the final 30 seconds. Personally, I like seeing the erosion of watts on the power meter display as this workout progresses and fatigue builds. Notice the instructions: "repeat until you cannot match within 10% of 3rd interval". Some may argue that this is a trivial matter- judging when you have done enough work.. Well.. I'm a lazy idiot with a pressure cooker job and after 10 hours at my job I don't want to risk making poor choices on the bike. I pay a coach to give me workouts that are tailored to me. Can I get just as fast without a coach, by making my own training program and following it? Sure, maybe, possibly, probably.. I've done it before.. but I'm not interested in reinventing the wheel in the process.. not interested in screwing up and feeling regret. My life is complicated. Having a coach makes the hardest part of training, simple. At least I know that I'm doing the specific training which is already proven to have worked for others before me. Thats the key.
Here's what my first interval looked like:
Going Away
I return on June 9th.. meaning that I will be missing three weekends of New England crits.. including Mystic Velo Crit, Hartford Crit, Cyclonauts Crit, etc.. However.. put me down for the Nutmeg Classic on 6/21 and every other Crit which follows it through New Britain on 7/13. I expect to be flying by late June/early July.
Needless to say, with a two week vacation on the horizon, I'm wrapped around all kinds of axles here at work- a mountain of work needs to be accomplished before we head to Logan next Friday afternoon.
Monday, May 12, 2008
It's about time!: Gas prices influence bike sales
A real forehead slapper! Americans realize that they can use their "nutritional reserves" for fuel instead of gasoline to get from place to place. Thirty years of relatively low gasoline prices in this country has made Americans the most obese and unhealthy people on the planet. Maybe this will spark a reversal.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Milestones
In the past year:
Distance: 7747 miles (12,467 km)
Duration: 443 hours
Since Jan 1st:
Distance: 3093 miles (4977 km)
Duration: 180 hours
It was also a big week for me in terms of time and mileage as well: 256 miles in 14 hours. (This excludes a 6.5 mile ride I did Saturday with my son Reis by my side- he's four)
Today I skipped the Wells Ave crit that I was planning to do, in favor of more family themed activities: a Mother's Day picnic at Goddard Park. We had a good time- grilled lots of steaks with some friends.. I wasn't done grumbling to myself under my breath until we got home.. which is when I promptly suited up and hit the road. Long sleeves were the right choice because it was mid fifties and windy.. So I set out to do my typical 3-hour ride/route- the one I really like. This time, I wore my HRM chest strap and put the Polar on my wrist- Of course I was more interested in the profile of the route than the HR.. Turns out that this 56 mile ride has 2420 feet of climbing... and my average HR was 148. Whatever. I started out slowwww.. (the HR chart below will show this) Legs were quite whipped from yesterday's "rhythm intervals".. which are basically 4:00 VOmax and then 4:00 recovery. Two sets of three with an extra 5:00 of rest in between the sets. Topped off with 30 minutes of tempo. They hurt.. more than the hill repeats I've been doing. They are an extra minute at the same intensity, with only half of the rest in between. So I was saying.. I started out slow today.. resolving to hold an average of high end zone 2 or low end zone 3.. Of course, I'm not guided by my HRM, I'm guided by the average watts reading. About an hour into this ride, I'm still sub-200w on average.. but my the time I hit the mid point, I'm up into the 215 range and suddenly feeling weirdly good.. not really good, just a little better. By the time I end the ride, I'm back down to 213w, but I feel fresh at the end.. like I could do more.. which I've heard is a good time to end a hard ride. The route was unchanged from before (April 5 was the previous date I did this course, when I was boasting about taking 10 minutes off my time from before) As it turns out, I took another 6 minutes off of that time, without really intending to (at least not during the first hour of the ride..) Here's another compilation of data- one showing the route profile and today's heart rate, one comparing today's ride with the last time I did this route, and still another showing you the last few weeks of ride data.. (Notice that the average distance for the past six weeks is a solid 200 miles). This stuff isn't intended as any kind of chest beating on my part.. I'm just interested in monitoring how the data evolves.. But on the other hand I don't think that riding almost 20 mph for three solid hours by myself is anything to sneeze at. I've done an untold number of "fast" group rides that were a lot slower. Whatever. Just looking for the positive in all of this: Very simply, I'm getting faster.. even though the training stress is making me tired and a touch weaker. Here's the data.. Click to enlarge: