As The Wheel Turns: Jamestown Meltdown

The depression I've been feeling for the past week got the best of me today. In a race where I had a shot at a respectable finish, I had some kind of mental melt-down after one lap and was kind of like "put a fork in me, I'm done"... As I explained to a team mate via e-mail earlier today:
Coming through the start/finish for the first time, a circuit in my head (or heart?) tripped and I told myself I didn't want to repeat that for another two laps. A touch of burn-out? When it doesn't seem fun anymore, why force it? I no doubt could have finished, and would have if wife and child weren't there... but being with them just seemed a much more attractive past-time than tasting puke for 90 more minutes...
Nice rationalization, eh?? So for the final road race of the year, Murat gets the "Quit race because he's a pussy" award. Damn and blast it. I wanted to get some recognition for finishing too. I'm still breathing fire because the Topsfield promoters STILL have not posted results to USA Cycling. Yeah, I only got 23rd place, but being a Pro-1-2 event, I wanted to see my "name in lights". Pathetically, it's one of those silly things which drives me to be better: some effing recognition.
More than quitting today's race, the end of the season bums me out more than anything. Not a cross-junkie (yet) but perhaps a venture into cyclocross land will lift my spirits. I have a bike, all I need are decent shoes, pedals [and a frontal lobotomy, from what I've been reading lately]. Some one please take pity on me and recommend shoes for this pathetic weenie. The Crank Brothers pedals seem the way to go...
I wish we could tack on another two months of today's weather, re-start Wells Ave, even resurrect the old Wednesday night Lincoln Crit (I loved that race)
Planning on doing a February training camp somewhere far far away. Maybe in Turkey with their national team (if only I can somehow dodge the warrant issued for my arrest over there) Damn and blast it again. Maybe I'll go to Iran or Egypt (Yeah Europe would be sweet, but I want WARMTH, in a place that isn't cost-prohibitive). Believe it or not, Iran and Egypt and Turkey have some very fast elite riders. They're just too cash poor to race in Western Europe...
Whatever, I'm done for 2006. No more riding the bike to work... I really need to focus on my projects better than I have been- riding to work and back has made it impossible to do the 60 hour weeks that this requires... I'll have to really put my head down and play catch up for a few weeks, and use it for a distraction from the onset of fall/winter, which depresses me to no end.
Total mileage for 2006: 3994
Total hours in the saddle: 211
In comparison, I rode only 3028 miles in 189 hours during 2005.
Click the title above to see today's horror show of a Polar chart. (G-d damned blogger won't let me upload pictures on this blog)