America's #1 Balance Bike Destination

America's #1 Balance Bike Destination
America's #1 Balance Bike Destination

Sunday, August 24, 2008


Okay maybe my last post was insufficient. Who drives five hours to a crit, drills it with some of the best in the country, then suddenly sits up after 20 minutes, and then drives home five hours? It's been a depressing day, and I've been craving a beer since the afternoon, and failed to get my hands on one. No doubt I've been beating myself up, but that's typical- no one is harder on Murat, than Murat. I have yet to look at the Powertap chart, but I know that there came a point in this race where I was into the red zone pretty deep while trying very hard to be in the top 1/2 of the field. My breathing was labored, lungs felt tight, and legs felt like they were sprinting non-stop.. Even so, this wasn't even as hard as I worked at the Fall River Crit, where the hill is at least twice as long as at Chris Thater. So even though I had traveled so far, something kept me from burying myself to stay in the race. Somehow I forgot, or didn't care about how far I'd traveled and somehow I got it into my head that I was outgunned by every rider in the field and that it was hopeless to continue and that it wasn't any fun anymore and that I hated racing and wanted to stop and go home as soon as possible. Sound familiar? I hope not, because if you have ever gone through such a melt-down, then it means you're a crazy fool just like me. It happens to me sometimes, maybe even to the best of them.. I could point at a lot of things and say "that's why".. but this time I was wondering if maybe what happened during Chris Thater could be something like an anxiety attack. A very sudden mood shift that takes me someplace where I suddenly feel powerless and just surrender to the stresses I'm under. In other words, I quit. To be fair to myself, I did drive five hours and wear myself out stressing about how much driving I was doing and about getting there in time. Then I arrived with 35 minutes to start, I registered and got back to my car with only 20 minutes to get ready to race. All of it sucked. I mis-judged the distance and the time it would take to get there. Things might have been different if I drove in the night before, slept in until 10:00, and took my sweet time getting ready and warming up.. Woulda been nice.. It's time to move on, I know. There are quite a few more road events coming up, from Topsfield to Jamestown.. and I'll be back in the hunt pretty soon.. with an ax to grind.


Brendan said...

We've still got five weeks left, lots of races. I've also got an axe to grind...

solobreak said...

No doubt.